Monday, March 11, 2013

Expect to Steal Food from Preschoolers

Sup ladies.

Sup dudes?

Should I also include dudes in my greeting? Is it appropriate for me to assume that the majority of my readers are females? I think yes. Husband hardly reads any of my blogs, so I'm assuming that there aren't a lot of guys out there going, "Oh boy! A blog about pregnancy! I'm going to gobble this morsel of hormonal goodness up because I didn't get enough when my own wife was pregnant!" If you happen to be a dude reading this, you are temporarily a lady. So, sup ladies.

Today I have a particularly disgraceful blog for you. It's not one of my finer moments (but, honestly, what during this pregnancy has been considered a "fine" moment?), but it's too good to keep to myself.

About a week ago I was doin' my thing at the preschool helping kids who wanted to speak good and wanted to learn to do other things good, too. I was finishing up with a rambunctious articulation group when I was hit with a crazy huge craving for Goldfish crackers.

Like, willing-to-kill-someone-for-that-salty-goodness type of craving.

It just so happens that the preschool was having Goldfish crackers for snack time that day. Coincidence? I think not. Fate? Most definitely yes.

***Ready, and, tangent: GO!***

My only other big craving thus far has been for Slurpees. Slurpees and I have been in a committed relationship for a good 20 years, so it's no surprise that I've got a daily hankerin' for this delicious, icy beverage. I've been getting so many, in fact, that the sweet lady at my local 7-Eleven gave me a drink punch-card and said I could use if for Slurpees. Score!

***Tangent within a tangent: GO! ***

I honestly just spent a good 2 1/2 minutes trying to correctly spell "beverage." It went from "beveradge" to "bevridge" to "bevaradagae." And spell check would not fix it for me. I finally resorted to Googling "synonym for drink." Pathetic, much? Is this what "pregnancy brain" entails? If, so, I have another reason to feel totally lame.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming...

So, back to the crackers. The students were just sitting down to their fish and chocolate milk when my stomach decided that it had to have at least 15 crackers. NOW.

So I stole them.

Don't you worry, they had plenty to fill their miniature stomachs. I just simply prevented them from having more than their allotted little paper cups allowed.

Now before you get your panties in a twist over me taking the snacks, let me clarify that I asked the preschool teacher if I could have some. She said yes. So, I guess it wasn't true stealing, just kinda-stealing.

Anwyho, as I was eating the rest of the bag of Goldfish, I couldn't help but think of the phrase, " stealing candy from a baby."

Well, pregnancy, sometimes it feels like stealing food from a preschooler.

And that food tastes cheesy and delicious.